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Thus Shall Her Scattered Thoughts Be Woven Into Bittersweet Song
July 2nd, 2009
10:11 pm - Breaking writer's block
Now that I've graduated and the full-time-job search has been so far unsuccessful, I have more time to write for myself. Apparently I haven't updated this thing in 29 weeks, but now I've remedied that. Also, these past two months' free time have provided ample inspiration to continue the fanfiction piece I started two years ago but didn't publish until recently. It's a Legend of Zelda cross-over between Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask:
www.fanfiction.net/s/4767968/1/Connected
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creativeDecember 10th, 2008
03:46 pm - Love when I get songs stuck in my head...
And I want to sing them to myself over and over.
Today it's Celtic Woman's rendition of "Mo Ghile Mear" ("My Dashing Darling"):
'Sé mo laoch mo ghile mear
'Sé mo Shéasar, gile mear
Suan gan séan ní bhfuair mé féin
Ó chuaigh i gcéin mo ghile mear
(He's my hero, my dashing darling
He's my Caesar, dashing darling
Rest or pleasure I did not get
Since he went far away, my darling)
From what I've researched of it, it was originally a tribute to Scotland's Bonnie Prince Charlie (Prince Charles Edward Stuart), 18th-century pretender to the British throne who died in exile when his cause was lost. Interesting.
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nostalgicSeptember 4th, 2008
11:35 am - Should it be any wonder that I found this during Pleasure Your Mate Month?
Stolen from Gerry. ^_~
( My Heart )
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cheerfulAugust 14th, 2008
09:57 am - Soundtrack to My Life
Opening Credits:
Darkness (Omega Ruins) ~ Final Fantasy X Original Soundtrack
Waking Up:
Wandering Flame ~ FFX Soundtrack
First Day At School:
For a Pessimist I'm Pretty Optimistic ~ Paramore
Falling in Love:
Who Am I ~ Casting Crowns
Fight Song:
Crisis ~ FFX Soundtrack (perfect!)
Breaking Up:
Seasons of Love ~ Rent Original Movie Soundtrack
Prom:
Tidus's Theme ~ FFX Soundtrack (aww, perfect for a slow dance!)
Life:
Light My Candle ~ Rent OMS (lol)
Mental Breakdown:
Hymne à l'Amour (If You Love Me) ~ Josh Groban
Driving:
The Carpal Tunnel of Love ~ Fall Out Boy
Flashback:
Sunshowers ~ Rainmarket (yay, happy memories)
Getting back together:
What If His People Prayed ~ Casting Crowns
Wedding:
Someday ~ Chlöe Agnew (Celtic Woman)
Birth of Child:
Change the World ~ Finger Eleven
Final Battle:
I've Got All This Ringing in My Ears and None on My Fingers ~ Fall Out Boy
Death Scene:
The Man with the Machine Gun (from Final Fantasy VIII) ~ The Black Mages
Funeral Song:
Dancing Mad (from Final Fantasy VI) ~ The Black Mages
End Credits:
Twilight ~ FFX Soundtrack
calmApril 30th, 2008
01:01 am - Based on something that happened today...
Blush of yellow and blue
Rage blooms beneath the surface
along with the blood: What made him think
he could do this to her?
Author's Note: Guys, there's never an excuse for it. Girls, don't ever put up with it.
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angryApril 17th, 2008
12:44 am - Dear Rolfe. STOP.
A one-shot fanfic I actually managed to write in just two days...that's a record for me. Based on The Sound of Music, about Rolfe and Liesl. SPOILERS if you haven't seen it...and if you haven't seen it there's something wrong with you. lol, jk.
creativeFebruary 6th, 2008
03:32 pm - My brother has such a way with words...
I just found this on my computer and it made me cry. My brother wrote it the night of Grandma's viewing last week.
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coldFebruary 2nd, 2008
09:21 pm - "...All I want is you"
A songfic I finally finished recently, based on the HBO series The Tudors (and I really wish I had HBO so I could actually follow it episode by episode!). The song is "Snow White Queen" by Evanescence...it just felt appropriate to describe the relationship between young King Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn. The regular text is Anne's point-of-view, the bold is Henry's, and the italics are the song lyrics.
creativeJanuary 9th, 2008
02:39 pm - Forget everything I just said about school
If I don't take that extra class now, I'll just be more stressed out come senior year, when I have to worry about my thesis and whatnot.
So I've added to my schedule an English 400: Advanced Writing Seminar. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 2 PM.
It's going to stress me out, but if I buckle down and do my work, balance school and my job(s) and my ministry activities, I can do this.
I told Emily and myself that my only resolution was to meet the challenges that this year presented. I will keep it.
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intimidatedNovember 6th, 2007
01:00 pm - I'm finding my balance
When you feel so close to some resolve
And you write the words you were writing for
But your courage gets dissolved
Into what, I don't know...
When you feel that way again
You have to stop your thinking
And think of what you're here for
And let the rest of your feelings go
[chorus:]
You've got to find your balance
You've got to realize
You've got to try to find what's right before your eyes
And if you find you've fallen
And all your grace is gone
Just scream for me and I'll be what you're falling on
When you feel so close to some resolve
And you say the things that you're standing for
Don't let your courage get dissolved
Cause it's then that the fear grows
[chorus]
Just give me the word and I will be there
Just give me the words that I've been living for
Just tell me the things you might have felt before
It's do or die -- this is either/or
Just give me the word and I will be there
Just give me the word and I will be there
[chorus x2]
-"Falling On" by Finger Eleven
~~~
This was a song that Gerry dedicated to me and others. It came just at the right time for me, and now it's stuck in my head. But that's a good thing! The words say everything, and I love it.
I've been missing home a lot lately...my poetry class brought it out, lol. So I sent the song to my brother, just to tell him I love him, that he can always count on his big sister when he needs support, and that I know I can count on him, too. For the same reason I've sent it to Andrew...not the love thing, but just to say he's still my friend despite everything.
♥
comfortedOctober 24th, 2007
12:41 am - A Deadly Beauty
The sword awaits me here on Tower Green
with May sun glinting off the sharpened steel
that means to end the life of England’s queen.
I breathe in fumes of foul rot as I kneel—
Blood wasted on the grass because of me;
My brother and my friends had done no wrong
but were made marks for their King’s jealousy.
Adultery makes for one convincing song.
I stare at silver mirroring my face,
the face that lured the King into my trance.
But black-eyed charm could not for long erase
my grave misstep in Henry’s deadly dance.
It’s Nan Bullen, the King’s Great Whore they hate—
So beautiful and deadly is my fate.
~~~
I was surprised this one actually survived workshop tonight. There were just a few little things needing improvement, some of which I noticed beforehand. But for the most part everyone--even the intimidating Mary--liked it.
Somehow I knew that in most of the written critiques I got back, they would say they weren't sure what the poem was about and so didn't quite understand the story.
It is the story of the unjust execution of Anne Boleyn, second wife of Henry VIII and mother of Elizabeth I. She was a girl of exotic looks, with a sophisticated charm and a shrill, vivacious nature. The people hated her and mocked her with her English nickname: Nan Bullen, the Great Whore. Despite her promises of a son that his first wife could not provide, she was only able to give him the girl who would grow up to reign as the Virgin Queen. Because of that and her imprudent, nagging objections to his womanizing, he succeeded in having her arrested and beheaded on trumped-up charges of witchcraft, incest, and adultery (treason for a Queen). There were five men who went down with her: Mark Smeaton, Francis Weston, William Brereton, Henry Norris, and her own brother, George Boleyn. The tyrannical King's only show of mercy was to arrange for Anne's swift, relatively painless death by sword--a piece of weaponry that is both beautiful and deadly, just as Anne herself was.
She fascinates me because she dared to refuse a King his deepest desires and would never relinquish control of her life to men and convention. She paid the ultimate price for this independent streak. It was the image of the sword that got me thinking about her, how she must have felt as she faced her fate. I decided to write about it, and chose to do it in formal verse, rather than a free-verse dramatic monologue like everyone else has been writing. I wanted to try something different, and went with it: an Elizabethan sonnet, about the death of Elizabeth's own mother. I did relish the slight anachronistic irony in that position: writing about one woman using a style of poetry developed and named after her daughter decades later.
creativeOctober 2nd, 2007
01:34 pm - More poetry
Bloody Mary
Chieftest pearl.
That’s what my father called me—
he who was England’s golden King,
who knew what he wanted and would always get it.
I heard his god-like voice and smiled,
knowing he was sorely dissatisfied.
I was Great Harry’s daughter,
but I was not the heir he wanted.
Accursed bastard.
That’s what the Usurper called me—
she who was a brazen, black-eyed witch,
who wanted my mother’s crown and would fight to wear it.
I endured her stinging slaps and insults,
knowing she would soon fall in her pride.
I was Anne Boleyn’s enemy,
and mine was the death she wanted.
Stubborn Papist.
That’s what my brother called me—
he who was my father’s only son,
who wanted Latin prayer gone and would strive to subdue it.
I took bread and wine in the ancient way,
knowing I was a thorn in his side.
I was King Edward’s sister,
but I was not the reformer he wanted.
Admirable lady.
That’s what my husband called me—
he who was a son of Spain,
who earned my love but would not return it.
I waited to look upon our child and heir,
knowing I was a barren bride.
I was Prince Philip’s wife,
but I was not the woman he wanted.
Cruel nightmare.
That’s what my sister called me—
she who was the daughter of my enemy,
who defied me always but would never admit it.
I sent her to the moldering confines of the Tower,
knowing I could not keep her inside.
I was Lady Elizabeth’s sister,
and mine was the throne she wanted.
Bloody Mary.
That’s what my people call me—
they who hate foreigners and Papists,
who seek peace with my death and will now see it.
I turned these heretics back to Rome,
knowing they will not long abide.
I was England’s ruler,
but I am no longer the Queen they want.
~~~
Dinner at Home
Delicate curves,
matching the hand’s every contour.
Crafted appliqués,
teasing the eye with each wave and curl.
Mirrored silver,
bouncing back distorted reflections.
Pointed tines,
stretching long and fine.
A craft to appreciate,
a tool to make use of.
Three of them lie on the table tonight,
forming a triangle,
when I wish there were four,
completing a circle.
creativeSeptember 18th, 2007
02:18 am - There's no place like home
Beginning the Day
The hardwood table cluttered with paper—
bills to pay, letters to answer (or ignore),
newspapers providing lounge cushions for my cats.
The goldenrod curtains my mother chose,
with flowers and fruit that have no fragrance.
The stippled snow-white refrigerator,
covered with magnets holding calendars,
appointment reminders, glossy photos of loved ones
smiling brightly at everyone who opens the door.
The high-pitched alarm telling everyone the coffee is ready;
its strong, inviting aroma filling our noses and the room.
The wild, unkempt tangle that is my brother’s hair.
The rough, scratchy stubble on my father’s cheek.
The clean, flowery scent of my mother’s perfume.
The room that for eight months out of the year
is only missing one thing:
me.
I just wrote this for my poetry class. It made me happy that I knew exactly what to write about, thanks to an exercise we did in class last week. But it also made me sad; I've been missing home and my family a lot lately.
It's amazing how the littlest things can make me feel this way. The exercise in class was to write a detailed list of things that say home for us. Mine was just single words, occasionally elaborated on. When I wrote the word perfume, I stopped, lost in thought for a few seconds. I was remembering that clean, sweet, flowery scent I always smell when I hug my mom. Right then I felt tears in my eyes, and I realized just how much I miss her when I'm here at school.
Soon enough the tearful memory was replaced by a happy one, as the word disheveled appeared on my paper. I was picturing my little brother, a disoriented mess when he emerges from his room in the morning. I couldn't help my amused smile at that memory.
My mom, my dad, my brother, my two cats...I miss them all so much.
nostalgicJune 18th, 2007
11:42 pm - Just when I thought I had a life where nothing happens out of the ordinary...
...well, nothing recent out of the ordinary, anyway.
Within one week, I had a guy ask for my number and got an ESP-like warning that something bad was happening at work...and that feeling was proven correct when I found out a couple of boys had just sold back to our store what were stolen goods from another GameStop, and they bolted before the cops got to our store to bust them.
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bemusedJune 6th, 2007
11:37 pm - Remnants of frustration
Shattered dreams
To me are nothing new.
Why'd I have
To lose it over you?
contemplativeMay 22nd, 2007
12:07 am - Nostalgia
Four years are as nothing.
Still I cannot forget.
And I do not want to.
My heart has paid its debt.
nostalgicApril 24th, 2007
11:05 pm - Letters
So I've been given the letter L. I must now list 10 things that I love that begin with the letter L. Once that's done, I will give a random letter to everyone who comments me so they can do the same thing.
1. Laughter: A laugh every day goes a long way.
2. Love: Should be #1, but oh well, I'm going with it as I think of it. Love makes life worthwhile. Without it, life is a sad experience.
3. Light: From the sun, especially--all the better to see the beauty of God's earth. But I like the light from the moon and stars, as well--just staring at them in their startling beauty.
4. Listening: There are moments in life that just don't need words. I'm content to listen, to take everything in and enjoy them.
5. Life: If I didn't love it, I couldn't go on another day. It's a wonderful experience, through joy and pain.
6. Letters: Letters form words, words that I can write and express myself with, through journals and poetry and stories. Letters also form words that I can read, and I can imagine the scenes that they depict.
7. Late nights: Whether I'm relaxing or hanging out with friends, late nights feel so good, especially when I can sleep in the next morning.
8. Laundered linens: Ah, the sweet smell of freshly laundered bed linens to sleep between at night.
9. Lyrics: Words to a song or poem that speak to me or describe how I feel at a given moment.
10. Literature: From Shakespeare's plays to Anne Frank's diary to the Bible, I love to read, especially when it involves history.
tiredApril 6th, 2007
12:06 am - You Are There
Something I wrote for the CCM newsletter.
~~~
You are there in the light of the morn,
Greeting me as a new day is born.
You are there in the blue sky above,
Watching me with the tenderest love.
You are there beside me on the walk,
Knowing I do not feel need to talk.
You are there behind every tree,
Hiding, playing; Your laugh reaches me.
You are there in the midst of the storm,
Holding fast, keeping me safe and warm.
You are there, though I don’t seek You out,
Showing me You are really all about.
You are there in the bad times and good,
Caring just as a dear Father would.
You are there—for Your love knows no end—
Loving me as Your daughter and friend.
tiredMarch 25th, 2007
12:17 am - One-two-three, one-two-three...
Ballroom was wonderful tonight. I think I'm getting better, particularly at the rumba. I have trouble with it now and then, seeing as it's very similar to the waltz. Bobby tried to teach me an under-arm turn last time, but then I couldn't quite get back in step. Toward the end tonight I danced it with Andy, the Sydney sophomore who coordinates the event and teaches the steps, and he said I did well. He even threw in a little cha-cha and I managed to keep up.
I love these classes. Sure, the mentality behind some aspects is a little chauvinistic (i.e. the girl is supposed to follow the guy's lead to the inch, so if either person's foot gets stepped on, it's her fault). But the romance in it makes me feel nostalgic; I much prefer a formal guy-and-girl dance with the steps planned out to the completely free-style--and too often pseudosexual--moves seen today. It's also kind of funny when in closed position, with the guy pulling me in and me pushing him away to keep the poise and tension; it's like he's trying to put a move on me and I pull away saying, "Remember, sir, I'm a lady." Tee hee...
I'm taking Beginning Social/Recreational Dance in the fall. Can't wait...it means I won't just get to dance like this on a random weekend; for seven weeks, I'll be dancing at least three times a week! ^__^
nostalgicFebruary 19th, 2007
11:43 am - The Music of My Life
How am I feeling today?:
Battle Theme (FF6) - The Black Mages (surprisingly appropriate)
Will I get far in life?:
Who Knows - Avril Lavigne
How do my friends see me?:
Not Coming Home - Maroon 5
Where will I get married?:
As Long As You're Mine - Wicked OBC (yesssssssss!!!)
What is my best friend's theme song?:
How to Save a Life - The Fray
What is the story of my life?:
Lose Control - Evanescence (hmm...)
How can I get ahead in life?:
I'm Not That Girl - Wicked OBC (well, despair certainly isn't the way...)
What is the best thing about me?:
Un Dia Llegara - Josh Groban
How is today going to be?:
To Where You Are - Josh Groban
What is in store for this weekend?:
Broken Vow - Josh Groban (that doesn't sound good...)
How is my life going?:
Thank Goodness - Wicked OBC
What song will they play at my funeral?:
Shiver - Maroon 5 (uh, is this good or bad...?)
How does the world see me?:
What Is This Feeling? - Wicked OBC (great, the world loathes me...)
Will I have a happy life?:
I'm With You - Avril Lavigne
What do my friends really think of me?:
Trust Me - The Fray
Do people secretly lust after me?:
Heaven Forbid - The Fray (haha, wow)
How can I make myself happy?:
Crawling - Linkin Park (okay...)
What should I do with my life?:
The Prayer - Josh Groban & Charlotte Church
Will I ever have children?:
For Good - Wicked OBC
What's some good advice for me?:
Let Me Fall - Josh Groban (hm, good advice, indeed)
How will I be remembered?:
Hymne a l'Amour - Josh Groban
What is my signature dancing song?:
This Love - Maroon 5 (not the best...)
What do I think my current theme song is?:
Santa Fe - RENT movie cast (hehe, sweet!)
What does everyone else think my current theme song is?:
Lullaby - Josh Groban (hmm...)
What type of men/women do you like?:
Another Day - RENT movie cast (well, obviously not guys who'll push me away)
What song should everyone listen to?:
Remember When It Rained - Josh Groban (yes!)
What song should be avoided?:
Si Volvieras a Mi - Josh Groban (well, it's depressing, but amazing to waltz to!)
What do I want written on my tombstone?:
Light My Candle - RENT movie cast (hahahahaha)
Leave us with some wisdom, please:
Snow White Queen - Evanescence (okay...)
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